Delirious
I was dating no one when I wrote this song, but it ended up sounding a lot like my first love, whom I hooked up with later the same year (1988). I still think it's a nice summary of the initial excitement of meeting someone new, but in retrospect I wish the first few lines didn't sound so much like a theme song for "Lolita". The intention was mere good-old-fashioned male patronization. Oh to be nineteen again and not know about any of that crap.
little child, so innocent
untouched, resplendent
one wish, to make her mine
off the cuff, eye contact
nine hundred minor heart attacks
i should call her sunshine
she's driving me up the wall
and i can't focus my eyes
it's close at hand, i'm about to fall
mystified and electrified
this is what it's like to be delirious
i'm not just curious
the situation's getting serious
i'm absolutely positively delirous all because of you
delirious
delirious
delirious
i'm out of my mind all because of you
yeah all because of you
unhinged, i'm a lunatic
insane, psychotic
bereft of reason, out of control
i've lost my marbles
can't talk, the words are garbled
feels like i'm being sucked into a black hole
and worst of all, i don't mind
somebody tell me why
well you win, you win every time
yeah every time, but so do i
i guess i'll have to live with knowing every single moment
i'm delirious
way beyond curious
transcending serious
i'm absotively posilutely delirious all because of you
delirious
delirious
delirious
i'm out of my mind all because of you
are you happy now
delirious
Eighty-Eight Keys
I wrote this one when things were starting to go south with my first love. Its alternate title is "The I Have No Life of My Own So I Can't Live Without You, Grovel Grovel Grovel Song". The music actually first appeared in recorded form on "A Velvet Cockroach Christmas" as an instrumental tune called "Cranberry Icicles". Velvet Cockroach is still working out the details of how to sue Tastiera for this blatant plagiarization. Meanwhile, I'm trying to figure out how to sue Velvet Cockroach, since I first composed the main piano rift back in 1981.
how can the heart tell the mind which words to choose
how does a warm feeling find its way home
and how can i possibly tell you how much i love you
the fear of losing you just chills me to the bone
all i've got is eighty-eight keys and a handful of emotions
ten thousand memories in a glass of wine
and a tiny message in a bottle on the ocean
a lot of love and so little time
i know i don't deserve a woman radiant as you
you are the envy of all lonely hearts
but i've been hurt before, it cuts like a knife
if i ever lose you, i will fall apart and die
all can give you is eighty-eight keys and a handful of emotions
ten thousand memories in a glass of wine
and a tiny message in a bottle on the ocean
a lot of love and so little time
so i make my pledge to you tonight
i'm gonna love you till my dying day
and i'll be there for you for the rest of my life
and wild horses could not drag me away from you
please accept these eighty-eight keys and my deepest emotions
ten thousand memories in this glass of wine
and a tiny message in a bottle on the ocean
crying, i'm gonna love you till the end of time
my love
The Irish Flame
Okay, so let's scan this number for some of the more obvious warning signs, shall we? For starters, the first line says I was daydreaming. A little farther down, I said she was too good for me, always a sign of a balanced relationship. In fact, a little farther back up, I said she was too good for anyone. Ooo, gotta love the chorus - my head is in the clouds, yeah, sing it high and loud. Cannot clear my mind, floating through space and time... could this whole affair have ended any other way? Oh, and I mispronounced "Celtic", unless you're a Boston sports fan. What a complete @**%^! disaster. But please, enjoy the song, won't you?
time to daydream
when will i see those eyes again
precious sky blue gems
a sight not fit for mortal men
and when i look into her heart
i see the tongues of emerald fire
she is everyone
she is everything i desire
so take me away
i want to be with her every day
i want to carry her up to heaven
where the other angels play
oh my heart beats strong
my head is in the clouds
i think i'll just sing my song
sing it high and loud
oh i hope she hears me
when i call her name
it is my destiny
to feed the irish flame
a little celtic pride
a little shamrock for good luck
a little shot of whiskey
my little heart has been struck
and i cannot clear my mind
i'm floating through space and time
wherever i go
hey she's too good for me
but i'll never let her slip away from me
so i'll search no more
i've found what i was looking for
i want to carry her up to heaven
and open up the door
oh my heart beats strong
my head is in the clouds
i think i'll just sing my song
sing it high and loud
oh i hope she hears me
when i call her name
it is my destiny
to feed the irish flame
love is in the air
feel her heartbeat everywhere
she has shown me heaven
and it's something we can share
oh my heart beats strong
my head is in the clouds
i think i'll just sing my song
sing it high and loud
oh i hope she hears me
when i call her name
it is my destiny
to feed the irish flame
Anesthesia
This song served three purposes. First, it tried to convey the dreaminess that accompanies falling asleep before surgery (I had arthroscopic surgery on my left knee a couple of months earlier). Second, it tried to convey the notion of being in a dream world about romance and then waking up to cold hard reality. Third, it tried to convey the cool things a person can do with MIDI technology in a song. For those of you not nerdy enough to know what MIDI stands for, the answer is "Musical Instrument Digital Interface", and it really just refers to a standard by which different electronic musical instruments (like synthesizers, drum machines, and computers) can tell each other how to play music. On this particular song, my drum machine was telling one of my keyboards what notes to play. This left me with very little to do, so I mostly just hit the record button and drank beer. Delegation can your friend.
Blue Zephyr
Completing the five-chapter story of the rise and fall of my first love, this song is all about taking a moment to lose yourself in sadness when a relationship doesn't work out. It was one of the most cathartic songs I ever wrote, and ended up being one of my favorites as a result. This seems to support the notion that the best songs are about heartbreak. On the other hand, a lot of songs about heartbreak suck too. Hmmm. This seems to support the notion that you really can't say anything about anything, so just forget the whole thing and eat lots of chocolate.
change, it's inevitable as the wind
as deep as the original sin
nowhere to hide
pain, i've got to find a cure
an elixir so pure
there's a bullethole in my pride
time, how long can i pretend
will the battle never end i've got to look away
life, life goes on
it's always darkest before the dawn
but where are those golden rays
oh, i know i'll survive
the future has arrived
don't leave without me
worry not for me
i shall return
the fire again will burn
so many fish in the sea
my resolve knows no bounds
just look around
what a colossal world
so i'll rise up
yeah, that's what i'll do
and by the time that i'm through
i'll have found my dream girl
but for now
i think i want to curl up by the fire
alone
and cry
oh, blue zephyr
infiltrate my heart with your teardrop mist
oh, i'll smile some other day
blue zephyr, plant your chilling kiss
oh, carry me away
so very far away, blue zephyr
please, i deserve a chance to cry
for an instant in time, blue zephyr
oh, carry me away
so very far away, blue zephyr
oh, carry me away
blue zephyr
blue zephyr
carry me away
like a tattered kite
in the wind
Suicide Express
I remember sitting at Norlin Library at CU-Boulder in the fall of 1988 and writing the lyrics to this song. In fact, I wrote them on E-2 paper. If you know what that means, then yeah baby, give me a big fat geek high five!
one last call, everybody all aboard
downtown, all around, here we go
full speed ahead, don't matter what we run over
maybe, just maybe they're a little too slow
jump, jump off the train if it's drivin' you insane
fall to your knees and kiss the ground
i am not your friend, no
baby this machine is hellbound
shake it, shake it, baby you're in danger
can't you recognize a collision course
you've got too much, too much, count your blessings
better cut the power at the source
i can't stop this locomotive
baby pull the emergency brake
it's up to you, only you, and we're headed for a brick wall
wake up, it's your life at stake
goin' nowhere
nowhere fast
don't you care
this can't last
i'm so helpless, hands tied, can't get through to you
feels like i'm racin', racin' the clock
i may go down with you or you may let go of me
it's only a prelude to the aftershock
somebody tell me what to say
feel the vital signs fadin' away
i can't talk and you won't listen
goin' nowhere
nowhere fast
don't you care
this can't last
Utopia in a Day
This song is ridiculously naive, but I like the drum beats. Like "Eighty-Eight Keys", "Utopia in a Day" actually first appeared in a slightly different form on "A Velvet Cockroach Christmas". See, I could have not told you that, and you'd never have known the difference. I am beginning to fear that I am opening up just a bit too much on this website, and when you finally decide to start visiting other websites, I'm going to be left in an emotional lurch. You web surfers are all alike.
wouldn't it be good if the whole wide world
had one solitary flag to unfurl
if right and left agreed about right and wrong
if our hearts beat the rhythm of one eternal song
perfection is a wonderful thing for which to aim
but it can never be attained
and even if it were meant to be
what would you do if you received utopia in one day
utopia in one day
we were not placed on earth
to accumulate material worth
mankind needs adversity
no matter how absurd that seems
yearning for a chance to analyze
more hieroglyphics for weary eyes
don't you take my riddle away
i'm not sure i'm ready for utopia in a day
utopia in one day
one little two little three little atom bombs
the only way to keep cool and calm
is to put it on the back burner of your mind
and pray, dear god
it's all included when you buy the nuclear age
sometimes no one wants to turn the page
is the commander-in-chief really contemplating
we're waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting
will we even get a chance to create utopia in one day
one day a year, people get together
and talk about a little bit more than the weather
friends and family and all your enemies
celebrating an isolated moment of peace
they call it christmas spirit and it fills the air
and no one's at war because no one cares
and when the day goes into the past
you sit and wonder momentarily why it can't last
a little more than just one day
one day
wouldn't it be grand if you gazed into your hand
and discovered you were holding utopia in a day
maybe someday
don't let go of your dreams
Threads of Steel
This song did an outstanding job of shining a million-watt spotlight on my nasally voice. I've had hayfever and congestion most of my life - it's better now than it used to be, thanks to the drugs that are almost certainly going to give me liver failure in about ten or fifteen years. But when I recorded "Pink Noise", I had a cold on top of everything else. Now, a professional would have waited a week or two. But since nobody was buying my stuff anyway, I figured I didn't need to act like a professional, and now the whole world gets to hear me sing as a result. I hope you're happy.
when the scissors cut the string
what keeps you hanging on
we all hear you laugh and sing
when your breath should be gone
something inconceivable
pulls the pieces back in place
strength so unbelievable
we can see it in your face
and in the mirror
the tiny strands appear
and there is no fear
threads of steel
see them shine in your eyes
all your tears will vaporize
see them shine, tiny threads of steel
threads of steel
when the dragons corner you
why do they run
torrential clouds of misery
and you can still find the sun
the chips are down, first blood is drawn
and you emerge unscathed
farewell insecurity
watch it vanish in the haze
and smiling
flying overhead
is your guardian angel
sewing together tiny threads of steel
see them shine in your mind
invisible to the naked eye
see them shine, tiny threads of steel
threads of steel
see them shine never die
you can fly anytime
you see them shine, tiny threads of steel
threads of steel
threads of steel
see them shine in your eyes
tiny threads of steel
intermeshed till the end of time
tiny threads of steel
twinkle twinkle little star
tiny threads of steel
a little bit of what you are
tiny threads of steel
Bloodhound
So, there are some songs that, in retrospect, some two decades later, don't read quite like they did when I first wrote them. This little charmer, for example. This whole album was assembled, for the most part, after I was dumped by my first love, and as such, it served as a tremendous catharsis. This song, among others, was supposed to be an affirmation of moving on and pursuing new things. I guess I got a little carried away with the "pursuing" theme. Sounds more like a stalker than anything else, which is unfortunate, since people close to me have been stalked, and it's no laughing matter. Chalk these lyrics up to yet another awkward learning experience for a 19-year-old. A couple decades later, I have only about a hundred thousand more of those to go.
look over your shoulder
and i'll disappear
feel your pulse quicken
as i grow nearer
an exercise in futility
you can't get away
don't get hysterical
it's just one of those games people play
in the midnight hour
in the dead of the night
this dog's got you in his sights
watch out for the bloodhound
seething fury, high on the thrill of the chase
don't utter a sound
veiled in the illusion that silence will be your saving grace
from the bloodhound
cry wolf
chicken little
the walls cave in
and you're stuck in the middle
this hound's on a mission
a thirst for your l;ove
and i've got a friend
in heaven above
i'm pulling out all the stops
and i won't take no for an answer
fluttering through the air around you
with the zeal of a dancer
but i'm a bloodhound
hot pursuit, this is how i thrive
look around
the pace steps up another notch and i'm in overdrive
the bloodhound is on his way
Look Back
There is, as you can see, a substantial religious component to this song. In fact, it was sung almost entirely to God, or at least, whomever or whatever I thought God was when I wrote it. And here I am, (mumble) years later, wholly agnostic, and still predisposed to capitalize "God" whenever I write the word. I guess old habits are hard to break, but it's also important not to forget any one particular part of the journey that got you to where you are, since the journey ends up being the only thing you ever experience anyway. Having said all that (one of my favorite phrases when I don't have a decent transition in mind), I could still say just about everything I wrote in this song to just about anyone, including God, if He or She (or he or she or It) exists. The best moments in my life have almost invariably occurred over a beer or a glass of wine with someone else that I enjoy hanging around with. Which just goes to show how important beer and wine really are.
dear god, i know i don't say enough to you
and you probably sometimes wish i wouldn't do what i do
and i am only a tiny little cog in your majestic machine
a little bit of ashes and dust floating in a neverending dream
so i won't ask much
no riches as such
no ambitious desire to be king
for even a day
all i ask is someday that those who have known me
look back on our good times for a while
all i ever wanted was to make just a little difference
so one day they can all look back and smile
sometimes it's so hard find a rainbow
drowning in a sea of gray between the shadows
fighting back the waves of self-conscious doubt
all my sense of priority tumbling about
i want so much
but i can't lose touch
there are so many children
who have so little time to play
all i ask is someday that those who have known me
look back on our good times for a while
all i ever wanted was to make just a little difference
so one day they can all look back and smile
nothing places me above anyone else
and i have failed in your eyes if i only see myself
all i can promise is a simple melody
who knows, maybe it'll help somebody
i won't ask much
no riches as such
no need to put me upon a pedestal
for even a day
all i ask is someday that those who have known me
look back on our good times for a while
all i ever wanted was to make just a little difference
so one day they can all look back and smile
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