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yule tide blues

well hey merry christmas
bah humbug too
what the hell did you buy me
look what I got you
another deodorant gift package
for your smelly pits
have another hors d'oeuvre
how about a ritz
oh you got me a snow blower
is that a hint
how'd you like me to use it on your belly button lint

baby i'm really feelin' confused
i don't know how to cope
i got those yule tide blues

now up at the north pole
there's a fat old man
long ass white beard
got lots of fans
bunch of annoyin' little elves
runnin' under his legs
watch out for the deer sh-t
smells like rotten eggs
about once a year
he gets into his sleigh
gathers up all his toys and just gives 'em away

well he must feel like he's bein' used
well you know he spends his whole damned year
knee deep in those yule tide blues

when the hell is dinner
who invited you
get out of the fireplace
or i'll turn you black and blue
hey i got an idea
let's all get drunk
then we'll take aunt martha
and stick her in the trunk
then we'll play mailbox baseball
and get arrested
spend the holiday with a convict and see who's more hairy-chested

someday i might not make it through
i'm gettin' christmas up the butt
i got those yule tide blues